I hope you enjoy this post, which I only recently recovered from my archives! It was originally posted on November 18th, 2009.
Recently, the B.C. Provincial government cut arts and culture funding to a devastating extent. What’s a citizen to do? Well, follow these simple steps, and even if it doesn’t change anything, you and those around you may feel a little better.
STEP 1
Draw a pretty picture of the premier of British Columbia, Gordon Campbell.
STEP 2
Mold a piece of pliable metal into the shape of his head.
STEP 3
Make a large batch of sugar cookie dough. Be sure to add almond extract for the appropriate “nutty” flavour. Refrigerate for a few hours or overnight.
STEP 4
Roll out dough on a floured surface. Be sure to use all of that aggression that you have been holding in during this step. Use cookie cutter to cut out heads. Put Gordon Campbell’s heads into the pre-heated oven and bake until edges brown slightly. Cool completely.
STEP 5
Make a large batch of royal icing. Mix colours for each facial feature and store in lidded containers.
STEP 6
Google image Gordon Campbell for reference material. Decorate each face with Gordon’s true-to-life facial expressions.
STEP 7
When the cookies are dry, have a photo shoot. Distribute widely on the internet.
STEP 8
Google image Gordon’s mugshot from when he was arrested in Maui for drunk driving. Use Photoshop and InDesign to create templates for mugshot postcards. Ensure the postcard is addressed to:
ATTN: Gordon Campbell
West Annex, Parliament Buildings
Victoria, B.C. V8V 1X4
STEP 9
When cookies are dry, put each one in a clear cellobag. Staple postcards to bottom, sealing each bag. Don’t forget to put postage on each card.
STEP 10
Distribute on mass scale. Encourage people to ‘take a bite out of crime’, and then place their thoughts on the state of things into the closest mail box.
